Our Emotional Weather: how noticing it impacts our performance & wellbeing

Emotions help us communicate some of our subtlest feelings, both to ourselves and to the people around us.

If the mind could be compared to the weather, our emotions might be thought of as our personal microclimate. Some days feel light and spacious. Others bring gathering clouds, sudden storms or a lingering emotional mist.

Like the weather, our feelings can change quickly. They can also settle over us for a while. Yet how often do we pause to notice what is moving through our inner landscape?

Every emotion is part of being human

We often describe happiness, hope and excitement as positive emotions. Sadness, anger, fear and shame are usually labelled negative emotions.

But calling an emotion negative can make it sound wrong or unwelcome. It may even leave us feeling that there is something wrong with us for experiencing it.

Perhaps it is more helpful to describe emotions as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. This acknowledges how an emotion feels without turning it into a judgement.

Fear may alert us to uncertainty or danger. Anger can tell us that something feels unfair, or that a boundary has been crossed. Sadness may help us acknowledge a loss and recognise our need for comfort. Joy helps us notice and savour what matters to us, it can life our spirt.

We do not have to act on every emotion. We can, however, become curious about what emotions (or sensations) might be communicating to us.

Welcoming our emotional visitors

The Sufi poet Jalaluddin Rumi offers a beautiful image of our changing emotional life in The Guest House: Rumi invites us to imagine our emotions as visitors arriving at our door. Some are welcome. Others may be difficult, disruptive or painful and we may want to push them or we may want to try in vain to think them away (rumination).

We might happily open the door to joy, love and excitement. We may be less willing to welcome loneliness, disappointment or shame. Yet all these experiences belong to our shared humanity and are communication to us on some level.

Welcoming an emotion does not mean liking it, agreeing with every thought that accompanies it or allowing it to determine our behaviour. It simply means recognising that it is here.

We might gently say:

Sadness is here.

I am noticing anxiety.

Something in me feels hurt.

This small act of recognition can help us meet the emotion with a little more space and kindness.

Putting feelings into words

The practice of putting an emotional experience into words is known as affect labelling.

Instead of saying, I feel bad, we might notice that we feel disappointed, lonely, irritated, frightened or overwhelmed.Becoming more precise can help us make sense of what is happening in our thoughts, body and circumstances.

Research suggests that naming an emotion may affect the way it is experienced and communicated. Early neuroscience research found that putting feelings into words was associated with changes in areas of the brain involved in emotional reactivity and emotional regulation. However, naming a feeling is not a guaranteed way to make it disappear. Its effects can vary between people and situations, depending on our attitude and comfort with our emotions. Lieberman and colleagues, 2007.

The purpose is not to control or remove the emotion. It is to meet it more clearly:

This feels unpleasant. What I am noticing is disappointment.

From here, we might ask:

What is this emotion trying to tell me?

What sensations am I noticing in my body?

What do I need at this moment?

Sometimes this pause is no more than one conscious breath. That breath can still create a little space between feeling something and reacting to it.

Listening to the body

Emotions are not only experienced in the mind. They are felt in the body too. 

Excitement may bring a rush of energy. Anxiety or Fear might quicken the heart or tighten the stomach. Sadness can feel heavy and tiring. Joy may create a sense of warmth, openness or lightness.

Our senses can also unlock emotional memories. A familiar song, a film soundtrack, a scent or a heartfelt touch can transport us to another time. A landscape or cloud formation may stir something we cannot immediately put into words.

These moments can bring us home to ourselves. They remind us that our emotional lives are rich, embodied and deeply connected to memory, meaning and relationship.

Developing emotional intelligence

Psychologist and science writer Daniel Goleman helped popularise the idea of emotional intelligence in the 1990s.

Emotional intelligence includes becoming aware of our own feelings, recognising emotion in others and using this understanding to guide our communication and choices.

As we become more connected to our emotional needs, we may find it easier to express ourselves authentically. We can begin to say:

I am feeling overwhelmed and need a little time.

I felt hurt by what happened.

I need some support.

This awareness can help us build healthier relationships; with ourself and with others. It may also increase our capacity to recognise and respond to the needs of others. Our shared experience of emotions supports our ability to be empathic to people in our lives at home and at work. Empathic is core to compassion for self and others.

The Dalai Lama, together with psychologist Paul Ekman and Eve Ekman, developed the Atlas of Emotions (check it out it is great) to help people explore emotional states and develop greater awareness. It offers a fascinating way to navigate our personal emotional weather.

Our behaviour impacts others

Be it at work or a at home how we respond to our emotions; energising them or suppressing or overthinking about them impacts others in our life. A well-known saying, widely attributed to Maya Angelou, reminds us:

(Painting Hartz Mountains David Burrow)

Emotions shape the atmosphere between us. We may not always have the right words or know how to solve another person’s difficulty. Often, what matters most is the quality of our presence.

Sometimes we rush to reassure because another person’s distress feels uncomfortable for us. We might say, “Cheer up, Look on the bright side or At least it isn’t worse.”

These words are often well intentioned, but they can leave someone feeling unheard. A more compassionate response might be:

That sounds really difficult. I am here with you.

We do not always need to fix an emotion. Sometimes we simply need to make more space and more room for it.

Caring for our emotional wellbeing

Emotional wellness does not mean feeling happy all the time. It means developing a kinder and more conscious relationship with the full range of our feelings. We can support ourselves in simple ways:

Pause and take three steady breaths.

Notice what is happening in the body.

Put the feeling into words.

Soften the tone of the inner voice.

Rest when emotional energy feels depleted.

Spend time in nature or quiet.

Speak to someone we trust.

Make room for laughter, creativity, joy and play.

Ask what support or care is needed.

Joy and gratitude are important emotional resources. Cultivating them does not require us to deny pain. We can hold appreciation and difficulty together. Human beings are capable of feeling grief and love, uncertainty and hope, weariness and wonder, sometimes within the very same day.

Coming home to ourselves

Our emotional weather will continue to change. We cannot prevent every storm or arrange for uninterrupted sunshine.

What we can develop is a greater capacity to notice what is here, listen to what it may be telling us and respond with wisdom and care.

Perhaps the question is not:

How can I stop feeling this?

Perhaps it is:

How can I welcome this part of my experience and support myself kindly while it is here?

For more reflections and practical ways to support your emotional wellbeing, you can explore my e-well book on emotions or join a complementary women’s experience where we explore mindfulness, compassion and emotions. Enquire about 1:1 Coaching for wellness and career.

Lou Booth, elementas Coaching and Consulting