Often behind a mask, busy in our roles to meet the expectations of others as their best friend, partner, daughter, son, mum, dad, employee, colleague, boss. It’s too easy to forget ourselves, to get lost, lost in kindness or compassion towards others, not wanting to upset others, or trying not to look foolish, or attempting to ‘fit in’. Lost in the trance of life.
We may not have the confidence to ask or aim for what we know we want, that which will help us truly flourish in our life.
We may feel compelled to do the things and say the words we are told, or what we think others expect of us. Do we really know what others want from us? How often do we ask them? Are others more concerned with what they want and how they fit in with others? I bet you can guess.
It’s all pretty normal stuff but we can get overwhelmed, tried and stress and resort to the false refuges that Tara Brach (below) talks about; you know the ones be it stodgy, sugary food, drink, prescription drugs, that extra glass of wine. The things that make us feel better temporality. And before we know it, years have passed and we can feel stuck (see self-compassion below). So what is behind all this? Why is it so difficult to change? We often think we are sophisticated and in control of our lives. but often without realising we are driven and motivated by our basic old brain system in our attempts to experience love, acceptance, belonging.
For those of you wanting to know more I would recommend Professor Paul Gilbert’s book the Compassionate Mind . Here where you can learn more about our three driver systems and the impact they have on our decisions and our behaviour.