Self-leadership with Compassion

Self-compassion is core to my mindfulness practice. It has improved my wellness at work and home. I have also used mindfulness in business coaching with clients for some time.

I was curious how developing Mindful Self-compassion (MSC) could improve business leaders’ health, wellness, and resilience and ultimately create kinder, more caring organisations. Would this ripple out to include everyone in their lives and organisations?

Background

Title: Mindful Self-compassion – A Pilot Model for Coaching Male Business Leaders 

Study: Master in Science Studies in Mindfulness Dissertation (September 2023)

This topic was the focus of my final MSc dissertation at Aberdeen University where I designed, piloted and evaluated a coaching approach to help business leaders develop self-compassion with an interest in resilience and wellness outcomes. Let’s start with a definition:

“Compassion involves the recognition of suffering, adds warm-heartedness to empathy and includes the move to reduce suffering if possible. Self-compassion is when we apply that attitude and feeling to ourselves”.

Dr Hanson (2023)

Ramachandran et al.’s (2023) systematic research review of compassionate leadership highlights a noticeable interest in the idea since the COVID-19 pandemic. They note a lack of understanding about compassionate leadership but identify six critical dimensions of it: empathy, openness, and communication, physical and mental health and well-being, inclusiveness, integrity, respect, and dignity. The authors propose these dimensions create a positive workplace environment that enhances employee engagement and performance.

The UK’s Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development annual Health and Wellbeing at Work Survey (2022) states that workers “want leaders who are not afraid to show compassion.” 

How do we lead with compassion? What is the relationship between compassion for others and self-compassion (self-compassion) in sustainable compassionate leadership? 

“… When we help ourselves and have a warm, accepting sense of ourselves, we are better able to have a warm and accepting appreciation of all those we lead, work with and encounter, therefore enabling us to show them compassion more easily” 

Professor West 2022

Tzortzaki (2019) suggests that compassionate leadership needs to start earlier in university and teaching self-compassion or self-leadership is the “linchpin” for sustaining compassionate leadership. 

Dutton and Worline (2017) suggest that suffering is pervasive in places of work, which, without compassion, can become “powerful amplifiers of human suffering”. They advocate adopting a compassionate approach can create a competitive edge for organisations. Ultimately, they advocate compassion can foster a culture of innovation, enhance service quality, promote collaboration, boost employee and customer retention, and facilitate adaptation to change. 

However, SME leaders may lack the necessary knowledge and skills to create a compassionate workplace culture that provides psychological support and safety, as Edmundson (2019) and Ramachandran et al. (2023) described. Business leaders may need guidance. By the nature of their roles, leaders are exposed to high stress levels and are involved in organisational suffering, consciously or unconsciously. 

Today business environments are described as increasingly VUCA (Volatility Uncertainty Complexity Ambiguity), Howard & Welsh, (2023) Could self-compassion help leaders manage stress better, keeping strong, well, and resilient in a complex changing world?

Working with male leaders, I was conscious of current men’s health outcomes highlighted by the Men’s Health Forum and the focus of the MP’s inquiry (Sept 23).

Whilst this research has implications for all genders, I chose to focus on men in business leadership and used the research findings to contribute evidence to the ongoing MP’s enquiry.

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The Pilot

The pilot was concerned with the application of Mindful Self-compassionate MSC research and theory to business leadership coaching practice. It focused on Dr Neff’s (2015) three elements of self-compassion and the opposites:

1. Mindfulness v’s Over-identification

2. Common Humanity v’s Isolation

3. Self-kindness v’s Self-criticism.

It study also explores the two expressions of Self-compassion Tender (Yin) and Fierce (Yang), Neff (2021), Neff and Germer (2021-2022) with participants.

Two participants from a known business community were conveniently selected based on availability. They had prior coaching and mindfulness experience but no MSC experience. The research took place January – May 2023. The aim was to develop mindful self-compassion, with a focus on the potential impact (+/-) on leaders’ wellness and resilience. 

Methodology

A quantitative study examined the lived experience of two male business leaders (pseudo names Chris and Nathan), who underwent face-to-face MSC Leadership Coaching sessions for four months. The coaching design was informed by a pilot quantitative survey of 25 UK businessmen (2022) and a literature review. Nine interrelated themes that bridge social science research and business coaching emerged. 

Themes included the link between compassion and self-compassion and how it relates to leadership. The role that self-criticism plays in leadership motivation versus self-compassion and the potential impact on wellness, stress and anxiety was covered.

The study touched on the implications of gender, culture and socialisation, safety, and the potential fear of self-compassion.  Communication and language, wellness, and resilience were core themes in the study to translate theories into coaching practice.

Research gaps were filled using “grey” literature, up-to-date industry reports, books, and interviews with international self-compassion experts. The author/coach acquired additional advanced mindful self-compassion training with international self-compassion experts to deliver the project.

To familiarise participants before the coaching sessions they completed an online self-compassion survey to learn about self-compassion. The survey is an empirical standard that reports on the three components of self-compassion and the opposites automatically. Although not part of the study data analysis, the quantitative data was discussed with participants. Survey link: https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/SCS-State-information.pdf (accessed 01/03/23).

Participant data was collected through a QR code and self-reported online reflective feedback after coaching sessions, which informed their next session. A concluding Semi-structured phenomenological interview was conducted face-to-face and recorded. Taking a holistic approach, the final interview brought the leaders’ overall experiences to life over the four-month study. This summary only covers a snapshot of the findings as the interview was 20000 words.

The Coaching Design

The pilot coaching design adopted a flexible and customisable approach to integrate mindful self-compassion into a non-clinical setting. The coaching approach used Gardner’s (2013) multiple intelligence theory approach to help translate ideas and concepts into practice in a variety of ways to suit different learning needs. This included visual prompts, voice, and physical practices. The sessions were conducted face-to-face to enable a rich understanding of the participants by the coach/researcher (Lou Booth). Responsibility for participant self-care was covered by informed consent, the coaching contract, and in each session. 

The coaching sessions and session’s online feedback used the components of mindful self-compassion and encouraged participants to explore Fierce (Yang) and Tender (Yin) expressions of self-compassion. 

Three core breathing practices were used to keep the coaching process simple and enable participants to connect with tender self-compassion to their physical feelings, emotions, sensations, thoughts, habits, and behaviours. The three practices were chosen to empower leaders to skilfully and confidently navigate their inner and outer worlds. This included support to explore difficulty and self-criticism with kindness and build psychological strength and resources for resilience and confidence. 

Extra practices were introduced to provide leaders with tools for their specific needs, including an Institute of Hearthmath tool (2004) to explore emotions that deplete or renew, MSC physical grounding techniques Neff and Germer (2018), and ways to establish personal emotional and mental boundaries for self-care with Fierce Self-compassion, and compassionate words, both designed by Booth (2023).

Findings

The following is an extract from the main research findings.

The results of this small pilot study show that male leaders can potentially acquire Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) through leadership coaching through simple, repeated foundational practices in what participant Chris calls “a self-acceptance mindset.”

The research suggests that leaders Nathan and Chris applied MSC practices in their daily lives and work to manage stress and promote self-care. In the coaching sessions, they were willing to explore and take responsibility for self-care and self-harming behaviours (including overworking). This awareness translated into their behaviour towards staff at work, including modelling self-care and finding greater presence and awareness. However, it is unclear whether this continued at the end of the coaching program. 

“…I need to be kind to myself, to be kind to others, to understand other people to lead… by example…I don’t think I can be a good leader without recognising I need to look after myself….”

Nathan

Both Nathan and Chris experienced “ups and downs” in being compassionate to themselves. As they become more present and aware (mindful) of their behaviours, their lack of ability for self-kindness could trigger self-criticism.

Chris could express his fear of learning self-compassion (Gilbert, McEwan, et al. 2011) and acknowledge his block of feeling worthy. Nathan practised the compassionate words exercise (Booth 2023), talking compassionately to himself when stressed. Both participants cultivated positive emotions, self-compassion, self-acceptance and worthiness of success in the building resources coaching practice. Using the process of state-to-trait to impact neural structure and function (Hanson et al., 2023). 

“… It’s just made me realise how everything connects. So how your body sort of tells you… it’s good at giving you an indication of how you’re feeling helping you connect to your emotions…”

Nathan

Self-compassion and mindfulness language and words; spaciousness, reflection, non-striving, and acceptance can be out of step with business leaders’ goal-focused culture (Shapiro, Siegel, et al. 2018; Lefebvre et al. 2020). The experience of being able to navigate and confidently bridge business words and thinking with self-compassion language to help participants was an advantage for the leadership coach in this study.

The study found that using metaphors in business language can be a powerful tool in expressing vulnerability and deeper emotions related to suffering and self-compassion, especially for individuals who prefer action-oriented communication styles. Ashfield and Gouws’ (2019) propose the male brain is inclined towards an action orientation that favours metaphors and different emotional literacy, whilst still maintaining a sense of strength and masculinity. The following metaphors and expressions were used by Nathan and Chris to express their vulnerability yet keep strong: 

“… get on the right track with it all; … at a crossroads; … fall back into bad habits; … spinning plates; … meat on the bones; … set things in motion; … rest on your laurels; … a bit of an age; … smoothing the way; … your tools and toolbox…”

Using short quotes and metaphors can complement business communication in the workplace Dutton and Worline (2017) and assist in building self-compassionate language. A coaching dictionary emerged from Nathan and Chris that included “self-harm”, “self-care” and words like “zooming in and out”. Words associated with Fierce Compassion, such as Clarity, Wisdom, Bravery, and Courage, were used in the sample coaching cards and the concept of self-care boundaries resonated. However, they were not always easy to practice for the participants. 

Accommodating different communication styles and emotional literacy is key when coaching leaders for self-compassion and well-being in the workplace. The use of metaphors may be a helpful tool for men to express vulnerability and deeper emotions, and keep a sense of safety in a work environment. Metaphors are useful for individuals who may have a preference for action-oriented communication styles. These factors should be considered when designing programs and interventions aimed at supporting leaders’ self-care and well-being.

Mental health is a more commonly used term at work. However, the term mental health may not be fitting to capture all emotional feelings and the subtle sensations and early signs of discomfort and stress leaders experience at work e.g. in life events such as loss, grief, workplace challenges, frustrations and change. Ashfield and Gouws (2019) say emotional talking therapy may unintentionally favour women and disadvantage men if they have not been socialised to talk about emotions. Self-compassion coaching may provide structure and help bridge this gap for men in leadership.

MSC coaching helped the participants develop awareness and self-compassion by fostering open conversations about vulnerabilities and finding a balance between the Fierce Yin and Yang elements of self-compassion. Leaders were able to reflect on resilience and harmful patterns, healthier coping mechanisms and solutions for obstacles e.g. boundaries, prioritise self-care and wellness, and connect with inner motivations and core values. 

The three core breathwork practices brought a known foundational structure to the sessions, for participants and coaches, to learn skills to activate calm or reflect on personal achievement and resources.

“And the biggest ones is that’s difficult is to congratulate yourself… I mentioned in one of the earlier sessions… quite deep and meaningful.”

Chris

Breathwork was a familiar concept to both participants via their involvement in sports coaching and yoga.

The self-reporting digital online reflective feedback was core to familiarising a practical understanding of the three elements of self-compassion, showing Chris and Nathan their progress or blocks. The reflection helped with accountability and change.

Nathan indicates he has a heightened awareness of his emotional states and is improving his communication skills. He is working towards establishing healthy boundaries and prioritising self-care; however, he still experiences self-criticism during stressful situations.

Chris says he is actively developing methods to enhance his well-being and embrace self-acceptance. Through the coaching sessions and mini-meditation practices, he has become more attentive and involved in his daily experiences. He focuses on staying in the present moment, promoting positivity, and diminishing negativity.

“… help you have some form of toolkit…. self-compassion will be about using some practical tools for me that will be supportive in work and home and everything else.”

Chris

Both participants appreciated the prior relationship with the coach which enabled trust for compassionate dialogue. A longer relationship is helpful in building coach and client trust due to the transformational nature of Self-compassion Leadership Coaching. Feedback gathered about what the participants needed from this coach from this style of coaching is communicated below in their own words:

“I wouldn’t be talking to you like this unless I trusted you”

“… saying things that are really close to you… a lot of this is… about… work and personal, so, has it all been easy no, but has it been surprisingly, fairly easy? Yeah… know each other a bit … that trust’s there, which goes a long way.” 

“… person is challenged appropriately… that’s important, made to feel safe and, trust for the person I think that that’s critical.”

“Able to have a connection and understanding… a wanting to understand and help people.”

“Compassionate and empathic… Understand that best leaders are struggling in some way… even if people appear confident…

Comfortable with themself. Very self-aware and comfortable.“

“Good at listening. A good communicator. Encouraging me. Able to ask the right questions.… to draw out…. what I found when you ask the additional questions…… it just helps me; it’s simplified… helping me understand.”

“Keep emphasising the humaneness… person picking up and running with some of these concepts and helping.” 

“… and your own practice and supporting yourself… working in ways to empower and enhance your life.” 

”… there’s no golden key… about getting you to open up to help yourself…“

Nathan and Chris

The pilot coaching sessions were conducted in a face-to-face setting to assist the research, which may not always be possible when coaching busy leaders. 

In conclusion, this pilot study provides valuable insights into the application of MSC in a leadership coaching framework and the challenges of translating self-compassion language into a work environment.  It found that male leaders can learn Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) through a leadership coaching framework and apply MSC practices in daily life and work to manage stress. However, participants experienced challenges in being compassionate to themselves, which indicates a need for further research to determine the sustainable nature of habits for leaders. A more extended study and coaching program of six months or more is recommended to learn Mindful Self-compassion. I am very grateful to both Nathan and Chris for their openness and participation in this study. I hope it changes lives.

(C) copyright Research Louise Booth

To find out more about the research please explore the sample references list below.

To enquire about Compassionate Leadership Coaching get in touch call Lou Booth at 07715814833 (What App), email or fill in the form below.

Case Study: Recent Client Jason

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Research Further Reading

(A selection of the project references)

ALLEN, A.B. and LEARY, M.R., 2010. Self-Compassion, Stress, and Coping, Social and personality psychology compass vol. 4, no. 2, pp. 107–118, [Available from: DOI 10.1111/j.1751-9004.2009.00246.x].

AKONG TULKU RINPOCHE (1994) Taming The Tiger. Kagyu Samye Ling: Dzalendara.

ALLEN, A.B., LEARY, M.R. (2010) Self-Compassion, Stress, and Coping. Soc Personal Psychol Compass. 2010 Feb 1;4 (2):107-118. doi: 10.1111/j.1751-9004.2009.00246.x. PMID: 20686629; PMCID: PMC2914331.

ASHFIELD, J.A., GOUWS, D.S. (2019). Dignifying Psychotherapy with Men: Developing Empathic and Evidence-Based Approaches That Suit the Real Needs of the Male Gender. In: Barry, J.A., Kingerlee, R., Seager, M., Sullivan, L. (eds) The Palgrave Handbook of Male Psychology and Mental Health. Palgrave Macmillan, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-030-04384-1_30.

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BOOTH, L. (2018). BLOG  https://elementascoaching.com/tibet-the-mystery-of-wellness/ (accessed 01.04.22).

BOOTH, L. (2022). Professional Enquiry into Compassionate Leadership for Businessmen Survey MSc Studies Mindfulness Aberdeen University. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1X0BwNtv-1BHAaDZpBZzqRta7xvMjYzlmIhZOuknBRuQ/prefill.

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BRACH, T., (2004). Radical acceptance: Embracing your life with the heart of a Buddha. Publisher: Bantam.

BRACH, T., (2019). Radical Compassion, Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of R.A.I.N. London: Rider, Penguin Random House.BREINES, J.G. and CHEN, S., (2012). Self-Compassion Increases Self-Improvement Motivation, 38, (9), pp. 1133–1143, [Available from: DOI 10.1177/0146167212445599

CHARTERED INSTITUTE OF PERSONNEL AND DEVELOPMENT CIPD (2022). ANNUAL HEALTH AND WELLBEING AT WORK SURVEY IN PARTNERSHIP WITH SIMPLYHEALTH, Issued: April 2022 Reference: 8229, CIPD 2022. 

DUTTON, J, AND WORLINE, M., (2017). Awakening Compassion at Work: The Quiet Power That Elevates People and Organizations. US: Berrett-Koehler, Penguin Random House.

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GILBERT, P. and CHODEN, (2013). Mindful Compassion: Using the Power of Mindfulness and Compassion to Transform Our Lifes. Publisher: Robinson.

HANSON, R. (2014) Hardwiring Happiness: How to Reshape your Brain and Your Life. London: Rider. 

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NEFF, K. (2003a). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualisation of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2, pp.85-102.

NEFF, K., GERMER, C. (2018) The Mindful Self-Compassionate Workbook – A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive. Guildford Press, New York

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